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Story postcard – Simi gets ready (4)

“Come, let me introduce you to some of the wedding party.”

Simi, relieved to have a guide, follows Rudd towards the crowd. As they draw closer, she feels eyes rub over her, and the flow of chat switch to watchful curiosity. She hears a woman cough, then some whispering.

“Who?”

Then a man’s voice calls out over the rest.

“Hey Rudd’s got a new woman.”

There’s a crack of laughter from the far side, and a few heads turn.

“Ignore them,” Rudd says. “That lot are always joking.”

Then someone else says something Simi cannot hear, and the laughter comes again. She tries to ignore it, and walks a little taller, her expression steady. Gradually the chat wraps around once more. As they reach the bar, Rudd turns to her.

“All drinks on us. What can I get you?”

Simi does a quick sweep with her eyes.

“Glass of white,” she says. “Whatever you recommend.”

“Okay. We’ve got some good South African whites here.”

Drinks secure they make their way to a group seated at a high table on the edge of the verandah. The two men in the group stand as they approach.

 “Hi all” Rudd says. “May I introduce our London guest.”

“Good evening ma’am,” the pair say, the younger man keeping his eyes on the floor.

 “Hello. Please call me Simi,” she says, as they shake hands.

“I am Jacobus, father of Hansie, the bridegroom. And this is Jambee, his little brother.”

“Not so little,” Simi smiles, willing the younger man to look up. He does briefly

Same age as Rudd, Simi thinks. Aspergers?

“And this is Karen, my wife,” says Jacobus, his eyes serious in his wide face.

The neat, tidy woman, remains seated. Simi shakes her hand, noticing the polished pink of the nails.

“Hi. Nice to meet you. Please come and join us,” Karen says, patting the stool next to her.

Simi arranges herself on the seat, and thanks them for inviting her to join the celebrations.

“Only a pleasure,” says Karen.

“We’re pleased to have you,” says Jacobus, still standing. “Rudd you going to …”

A gong booms over the rest of his question, followed by a voice inviting all to go down to the barbecue area.

“Excellent. Jassus, I’m starving. The good news is I know there’s plenty. We brought it up ourselves, didn’t we Jambee,” he says clapping a hand on his son’s shoulder.

“Ja,” says Jambee, grinning at his father.

“Thanks Jacobus,” says Rudd. “Huge piece of nyama. I’m going down to help with crowd control.”

“Okay, cheers Rudd,” says Jacobus. “We’ll follow. Karen you coming?”

Karen stands up, and turning to Simi, looks at her shoes.

“Listen, why don’t you stay here? It’s not going to be easy walking over the grass in your shoes. Keep the table for us and we’ll bring you some food. A bit of everything?”

Simi eyes her golden three inch heels.

“I think you’ve got a point,” she says. “Thanks. I’ll wait here.”

She watches the family head off over the grass, and wonders if they will come back.

Copyright Georgie Knaggs & The Phraser 2023

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Story postcard – Simi gets ready (3)

Simi tries to relax, to steady her breathing. She closes her eyes again, and focuses inwards, counting her breath back to a pace she can manage. Slowly, slowly it begins to work, allowing her to search for the words that always secure her. At last she finds them, and fastens them into her dark, like pitons in a cliff face.

‘Somebody’s shadow …’

‘Somebody’s shadow …’

‘Somebody’s shadow got in your way …’

Phrase by phrase she climbs back towards the light.

 ‘But nobody …’

‘But nobody …’

‘But nobody steals your sun.’

She repeats the last line again and again, until her hands stop their fretting, and her pacing stills.  She sits down by the mirror, and looks at herself, studying her anger, her misery. Then, she counts ten deep, slow breaths, heaving them into her lungs, one by one, and begins to sing:

“I don’t belong here,

I don’t belong there,

I’ve even stopped believing in prayer.”

She stands abruptly, and leans over the table, her face now close to the mirror.

“Come on Simidele! You’ve got this!”

Her eyes glare back at her, defiant.

“Good. Let’s go out there and face them.”

She straightens, and crosses to the full length mirror, to turn slowly, side to side, one hand checking her headscarf, and the other her earrings. Then she picks up the room keys, and avoiding the patio, opens the door on to the covered walkway. Its polished surface gleams in dark green-blacks beneath the lights. She locks the door, ducking the mini wave of insects crashing into the light beside it, and sets off towards the hum of voices.

“Stay calm Simidele! Stay calm,” she whispers to herself, smoothing her stride. “London’s got you trained for this.”

The scent of roasting meat, of herbs, and wood smoke, fill the air. Through it all run threads of laughter that get louder, as she reaches the stairs. She hitches her kaftan high, her sandals flashing their gold as she takes the stairs one step at a time.

She is by the pool terrace when a waiter comes out from the shadows, and walks towards her.

“Good evening. Can I help you?”

She stops, confused by his tone.

 “I’ve been invited to the hog roast? I’m a guest here.”

She sees the waiter’s eyes flick over her shoulder, as though expecting someone else to be with her. Annoyed, she tells him that Tonderai checked her in.

 “Ask him,” she ends.

“Oh …” the waiter says slowly, his face unhappy. “One moment please.”

He turns, and is about to leave when Rudd appears.

“Good evening. It’s okay. I know this lady. She is our guest from London.”

The young black waiter turns back towards her, his worry changing through surpise, to a wide smile.

“Welcome!” he says, dipping his head. “If you need anything I will be happy to help.”

“Thank you,” says Simi, stepping past him.

Copyright Georgie Knaggs & The Phraser 2023

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Story postcard – Simi gets ready (2)

The sky is a deep dark, blazed with stars. Simi stares up at them, her chest tight, her eyes burying into the night sky. It surrounds her and reduces her, thick with scent and sounds she cannot place. As her eyes adjust, they lift her away from the lodge, and out into the trees.

She is lost in their branches when a sudden square of light falls over the grass beside her. As she turns towards it, the doors on the other side of the wall are pulled wide.

“Aneke, I’m going up to the bar. You coming?”

“Ja. Wait please.”

There is the sharp rap of heels on stone.

“Come out here, we’ll walk round this way.”

“Okay.”

Simi hears the sound of the glass doors being closed.

“Do you think we need to lock up?”

“No. We’ll be fine here. Listen can you hear the bush?”

“Ja,” says the woman, “that’s the noise it makes when it’s not making a noise. I miss this so much.”

A burst of laughter bounces down from the terraces above.

“Guess they’ve started. We’d better hurry, hey?”

“Ja. Can’t wait for this party.”

Two figures step out into the wedge of yellow light. They pause, their comfortable rectangles shadowed by the night.

“Agh, I think I’m going to take off my shoes.”

Simi watches as one rectangle bends in half, and then straightens out again, shoes dangling to one side.

“Right, let’s go.”

Then the owner of the shoes turns to look towards Simi’s room. Simi, knowing she has been seen, begins to wave a greeting, and then stops, shocked by the voice that hisses into the dark.

 “Ruan! Ruan! Who’s that?”

“Where?”

The two shapes blend into one.

“There man. In the light there next to our room.”

Simi stands frozen, the urgent whispers hitting her like bullets.

“I have no idea. Probably somebody’s maid.”

 “Do you think I should go and lock the room?”

“No, she knows we saw her. It’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“Ja man. C’mon Aneke. She’s not worth even worrying about.”

“You better be right, hey Ruan.”

As the pair move away into the dark, Simi stares after them, rage exploding through her. It hammers and tears at her heart, her body rigid with shaking fury. She flings her head back, and takes five deep, panting breaths, fingers clenching and unclenching, eyes closed. When she opens them she knows she has to get inside before she screams.

She yanks the doors shut behind her with such force that they bounce back on their rubber, and she has to slide them tight again. She locks them together, hands methodical and angry, and then pulls the curtains closed.

Only then does her mind begin to topple. To calm it, to distract it, she paces backwards and forwards, her hands unwrapping and then rewrapping the scarlet cloth around her head.

She knows she is in the danger zone, too close to the edges of the pit that has swallowed her before and will leave barely a trace if she does not resist. She understands, even through her fury, that she cannot let that happen. Not when she is alone, alone in Africa.

Copyright Georgie Knaggs & The Phraser 2023